Love is a Battle Field

I was dealing with something all day, and I couldn't decide what exactly my problem was....until I read a quote by Pat Benatar...I just had that moment when all of your emotions are explained in one sentence....it really is quite astounding and shocking. I couldn't believe that this one sentence could just do it for me, but it did. Who knew?

I guess my biggest problem today was the memory of my most recent ex, part of which comes from not being on good terms at the moment. I'm not sure if this will change at all in the near future, I want it too. I want our terms to change for the better and my feelings about him as well. I wish he would change...but alas, you can't force that upon someone. I don't know where to go from here with him. It's really exasperating to love someone so much and then not feel appreciated for it...and worse yet to feel like it's not even wanted. To feel ashamed of your love. That's awful.

I don't know what to do with that...but some good things! I bought a couple of books for reading material for the rest of the summer....I already finished one book so I hope that I can last for another month and a half on what I do have. :( I also met up with a friend for lunch at Freddy's! Yum! I told her about this new project that I'm doing on here...she also caught the irony of my blogging about living off of the internet. :) Everyone has their own quirks, right? This is mine.

But today was our celebration of our Independence, a time for jubilee! I did indeed have time for that, as well. We had a barbeque outside...although we ended up eating indoors because of the heat...Texas weather for you. It was really nice, close family and friends chomping down on coleslaw and brisket, it was perfect. And it ended with a delicious dessert. Can never have too much strawberry shortcake. Yummy. I also gave my poor doggy a bath today...we usually take her to the groomers but it was urgent....and today was July 4th. So they were closed. She was so scared in that bath tub. I can't image what she goes through every time I drop her off at the groomers. Poor puppy.

I really couldn't have asked for a better day. I got to bond with my dog, my sister, and my new books. We had some delicious food that I couldn't have made any better (someone else's cooking always tastes so much better than my own).

I just want to find a way to deal with my inner problems...someway to tell myself that letting go would make my life so much easier, since it's out of my control no matter what.