I was dealing with something all day, and I couldn't decide what exactly my problem was....until I read a quote by Pat Benatar...I just had that moment when all of your emotions are explained in one sentence....it really is quite astounding and shocking. I couldn't believe that this one sentence could just do it for me, but it did. Who knew?
I guess my biggest problem today was the memory of my most recent ex, part of which comes from not being on good terms at the moment. I'm not sure if this will change at all in the near future, I want it too. I want our terms to change for the better and my feelings about him as well. I wish he would change...but alas, you can't force that upon someone. I don't know where to go from here with him. It's really exasperating to love someone so much and then not feel appreciated for it...and worse yet to feel like it's not even wanted. To feel ashamed of your love. That's awful.
I don't know what to do with that...but some good things! I bought a couple of books for reading material for the rest of the summer....I already finished one book so I hope that I can last for another month and a half on what I do have. :( I also met up with a friend for lunch at Freddy's! Yum! I told her about this new project that I'm doing on here...she also caught the irony of my blogging about living off of the internet. :) Everyone has their own quirks, right? This is mine.
But today was our celebration of our Independence, a time for jubilee! I did indeed have time for that, as well. We had a barbeque outside...although we ended up eating indoors because of the heat...Texas weather for you. It was really nice, close family and friends chomping down on coleslaw and brisket, it was perfect. And it ended with a delicious dessert. Can never have too much strawberry shortcake. Yummy. I also gave my poor doggy a bath today...we usually take her to the groomers but it was urgent....and today was July 4th. So they were closed. She was so scared in that bath tub. I can't image what she goes through every time I drop her off at the groomers. Poor puppy.
I really couldn't have asked for a better day. I got to bond with my dog, my sister, and my new books. We had some delicious food that I couldn't have made any better (someone else's cooking always tastes so much better than my own).
I just want to find a way to deal with my inner problems...someway to tell myself that letting go would make my life so much easier, since it's out of my control no matter what.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Lazy Day
Today wasn't exactly what I would call exciting, but it was nice.
I suppose it's rather easy to take family meals for granted and all that is discussed within them as well.
The day started off with breakfast, as it should.
My favorite kind of breakfast: bean and cheese tacos. Mmmm! The aftermath of the kitchen. :)
And of course the best part is always the toppings, but I have to admit my favorite topping for breakfast tacos is that roasted salsa. Can't get enough. :)
After breakfast I just lazed around, I was able to finish a book I borrowed from a very good friend and then watched reruns of Charmed with my mom and little sister. I can't explain how much I love spending time with the two of them. I will admit that now that Alice is becoming a teenager, there has been much more stress and tension in the house, with Mom always saving the day as the mediator. That job must seriously get difficult sometimes. I hate being referee, I can't imagine that she likes it any better than me. Although I will admit that my relationship with my sister has improved dramatically since the last time that I came home (of course then I had brought my then boyfriend home to meet my friends and family for the first and only time, so I can't say that I spent too much time with her).
Speaking of exes, I talked to mine today. I had a little bit of a riff with him the other night, and made an attempt at an apology. It went ok, but things still aren't what they were...something that I'm afraid I will only have to get used to as time goes on.
He's the big reason that I'm doing this thing...getting off of Facebook and into introspection. He didn't recommend that, this prescription was of my own doing, but he did make me think that if I didn't think for myself and appreciate the little things that I will be alone and miserable for a very long time. I know enough individuals who are plagued by miserableness...I don't want to be anything like that. So here we are.
I had a bit of a laugh with my mom right before dinner, we were going on and not finishing sentences (although each knew what the other was saying). The conversation went a little bit like this: "Do you want...?" "I'll just get a...," "I'll set the...," etc. At the end of all of this I said "I love how we finish our...," and she said "sentences." like it was nothing. We both got a nice kick out of it.
Dinner was easy, I like it that way. Finished off with a nice cup of Bluebell Ice Cream and an hour of Masterpiece Mystery.
It was a good day, all in all. I don't regret it. Which is what is most important, after all.
I suppose it's rather easy to take family meals for granted and all that is discussed within them as well.
The day started off with breakfast, as it should.
After breakfast I just lazed around, I was able to finish a book I borrowed from a very good friend and then watched reruns of Charmed with my mom and little sister. I can't explain how much I love spending time with the two of them. I will admit that now that Alice is becoming a teenager, there has been much more stress and tension in the house, with Mom always saving the day as the mediator. That job must seriously get difficult sometimes. I hate being referee, I can't imagine that she likes it any better than me. Although I will admit that my relationship with my sister has improved dramatically since the last time that I came home (of course then I had brought my then boyfriend home to meet my friends and family for the first and only time, so I can't say that I spent too much time with her).
Speaking of exes, I talked to mine today. I had a little bit of a riff with him the other night, and made an attempt at an apology. It went ok, but things still aren't what they were...something that I'm afraid I will only have to get used to as time goes on.
He's the big reason that I'm doing this thing...getting off of Facebook and into introspection. He didn't recommend that, this prescription was of my own doing, but he did make me think that if I didn't think for myself and appreciate the little things that I will be alone and miserable for a very long time. I know enough individuals who are plagued by miserableness...I don't want to be anything like that. So here we are.
I had a bit of a laugh with my mom right before dinner, we were going on and not finishing sentences (although each knew what the other was saying). The conversation went a little bit like this: "Do you want...?" "I'll just get a...," "I'll set the...," etc. At the end of all of this I said "I love how we finish our...," and she said "sentences." like it was nothing. We both got a nice kick out of it.
Dinner was easy, I like it that way. Finished off with a nice cup of Bluebell Ice Cream and an hour of Masterpiece Mystery.
It was a good day, all in all. I don't regret it. Which is what is most important, after all.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
First Post
The first post is always the hardest...or is that a mix up of idioms?
No matter.
I've realized recently that I devote much of my life to social networking sites and related media. This is very disconcerting, for not only have I hardly lived a quarter of my life (probable length ~80 years) but I'm so disconnected from the outside world that I feel like I'd have to basically start from scratch. I'm going into my 3rd year of college and I still feel outside of it...not that it helps that I started dating someone who had nothing to do with the campus early on in my freshman year.
I have a responsibility to myself and to others I could be helping outside of this electronic world.
It may seem paradoxical that I'll be posting this online, but it's a journey that I don't want to keep to myself...I know that I'm not the only one who's addicted to social networking sites and this online world, and I hope that my dedication helps someone other than myself.
I'll tell you all about my journeys in the outside world and the excitement of it all. Maybe then we could learn to appreciate the little parts of life, as well. :)
No matter.
I've realized recently that I devote much of my life to social networking sites and related media. This is very disconcerting, for not only have I hardly lived a quarter of my life (probable length ~80 years) but I'm so disconnected from the outside world that I feel like I'd have to basically start from scratch. I'm going into my 3rd year of college and I still feel outside of it...not that it helps that I started dating someone who had nothing to do with the campus early on in my freshman year.
I have a responsibility to myself and to others I could be helping outside of this electronic world.
It may seem paradoxical that I'll be posting this online, but it's a journey that I don't want to keep to myself...I know that I'm not the only one who's addicted to social networking sites and this online world, and I hope that my dedication helps someone other than myself.
I'll tell you all about my journeys in the outside world and the excitement of it all. Maybe then we could learn to appreciate the little parts of life, as well. :)
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